Okay, so I am only getting in my second post in March here but I am trying to get better. So far this year has been a blender of ups and downs and many emotions. I choose to focus on the ups and the good things.
My yards are starting to come around again after the major mess up and clean up. I am so glad it is Spring, rain or shine, Spring. Working in the yards has been such good therapy for my soul and it is much needed. The jasmine is exploding all over the yards and the smell is just heavenly everywhere I go. Orchids are blooming and are so beautiful. Freesias blooming and smelling wonderful and all the tropicals are happy. I love hydrangeas and they seem to love the lack of direct sun in my yards. I got brave and really pruned them back as God has been pruning me back and I have to say they needed that just as I have needed it. My fushias are crazy and all grow into trees for lack of sun. The hummingbirds love them and are back in full force buzzing around the yard. My garden is not structured. It dictates what it's going to do and I follow it's lead. Our soil is clay, the kind you build adobe houses with and I have lost hundreds of bulbs to the abyss of clay. So they get planted in containers so I can keep track of them. I need to start taking and posting pictures again but I think I have forgotten how:(
Corky is back on working days and it is so good to have him home and spend time in the evenings again. This next week will be hell on wheels for him as he is getting a $5 million job finished. His boss asked him if he would postpone our vacation for a week to get this done and offered him $10,000 as incentive. Corky would have done it for free but hey, why not get rewarded for it too? Yes, we will pay taxes on it but it is a blessing. We had no plans except to go up to the redwoods for a few days to spend time with dear friends and just hang out. The rest of the time is just relaxing and enjoying the grandkids when they are here. Yesterday they were both here and Grandpa's heart was full to overflowing. He has barely seen them these past five months. My heart just melted watching the three of them yesterday!
We baked cookie cake, their absolute "sugar high" of choice. I measured, the kids mixed the dry ingredients and Corky mixed it. It is the family favorite for generations here. It had ten more minutes of baking when Daddy got here to pick them up and he gladly waited for it to cool before cutting into it and going home:)
I have a few prayer requests and would appreciate your prayers.
1. Sweet Kelli is so close to getting the kidney she so desperately needs and my heart is just so heavy for her and all she has been through. I love this girl whom I have never met and want Gods best for her now.
2. Eric is struggling and could use prayers. It is so hard to watch him fight with himself and not realize that he is his own worst enemy. He probably learned that from me as I am still my own worst enemy at times. I just want him to experience Gods peace in his life.
3. Annabel is in the hospital again and needs His healing touch. This little girl is one tough cookie and she humbles me. She and Cathy need our prayers.
4. Corky needs our prayers to get through this next week without losing his mind to stress. He is such a faithful employee and this company relies on his strength to get things done. He is a wonderful man and husband:)
5. Me, you can pray however you'd like for me to continue to rise above the depression and keep my ear in tune with what God wants me to hear and learn in this season.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone and thank you for visiting me. I love you all.
Love and Hugs, Laurie
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
~Happy Birthday Blessings Today ~
It has been a great weekend and birthday today. Corky had told me to get whatever I wanted and cost didn't matter:) Hmmm. Friday I brought home my second adopted cat from the shelter. She grabbed my leg when I walked by and just chatted her heart out to me. She is about 2 years old and is a fluffy black and white Tuxedo girl, with the most precious face ever. And she stole my heart. She was free because she had a seizure when she first came in and broke her leg in the bars of the cage. She is all better now but will be on seizure meds for the rest of her life. She also came with a $400.00 credit towards the future vets costs or meds. She is a lover and Isaac went with me to pick her up. He was so stoked:) After observing her personality since Friday afternoon, her name is Zipper, like the flying bug in the Rescue Rangers with Chip & Dale and the crew. It is amazing the peace she has brought to our home. We are cat people and I am a cat girl through and through. They are my therapy always. Her effect on Eric has been amazing. He is missing his two cats so much too but doesn't get to love on them anymore. Zipper is my free birthday gift and she loves everyone here. A great gift for sure.
Speaking of Eric, he is working on rebuilding the backyard room. Insulation, drywall, new door that he is making into a dutch door (yay) and new roof. It was a mess out there and lots of water damage. All of the junk stored in it for years is now stacked in the yard that is waiting for Spring. I am working around it and know it will be so great when it's done. We can use it for a guest house after he is back on his feet. He is in his element when he is working construction. He has been more at peace these past three or four days and I am so thankful for the prayers that I know are covering this. When he is all done I will paint the inside and outside and get my landscape put back together. I want to paint the outside aqua or turquoise and keep the inside light. We bought all the materials and our labor is free:) Call it room and board and I am happy.
Thursday when Hannah and I were hiding under cover from the bears and snuggling and wrestling, my gold chain with my very special piece of jade broke and the jade fell off somewhere. My heart sunk. Corky bought me this back in 1995 on Mothers Day when I was visiting him in Taiwan where he was working. It was the Mothers Day when the boys birthday falls on Mothers Day Sunday. It has a lot of sentiment to me. Eric searched and Hannah got down on her precious hands and knees to look for it. Eric found it and I could breathe again. Hannah has loved my jade necklace since she was about 4 months old. I never take it off. She is always careful in handling it when she is snuggling. She will get this when she is older:)
Speaking of older, I still don't know what 63 is supposed to feel like now that it is my age. It sure is evident in my body but my heart feels so young when I count my blessings over these years. I thank God every morning when I open my eyes and find myself still here and next to my heart and soul mate. It is a comfort that I have been blessed with that scares me so much sometimes. I don't want to think of losing my best half if it was to be God's will. Out of my hands and in His.
Hannah will be here tomorrow and get to love on the new cat while Isaac is in school. She will tell him all about it when she gets home tomorrow, as he told her about getting to go pick her up with me. They are so funny about the ownership they feel over our house and all who live here:) I wouldn't have it any other way. They also called this morning and sang Happy Birthday to me. Melted my heart. So this day has been a very blessed one for me all the way around and the sun was out like Spring too. I am slowly but surely adjusting to all the things going on right now and I am content with it.
Love and Hugs, Laurie
Speaking of Eric, he is working on rebuilding the backyard room. Insulation, drywall, new door that he is making into a dutch door (yay) and new roof. It was a mess out there and lots of water damage. All of the junk stored in it for years is now stacked in the yard that is waiting for Spring. I am working around it and know it will be so great when it's done. We can use it for a guest house after he is back on his feet. He is in his element when he is working construction. He has been more at peace these past three or four days and I am so thankful for the prayers that I know are covering this. When he is all done I will paint the inside and outside and get my landscape put back together. I want to paint the outside aqua or turquoise and keep the inside light. We bought all the materials and our labor is free:) Call it room and board and I am happy.
Thursday when Hannah and I were hiding under cover from the bears and snuggling and wrestling, my gold chain with my very special piece of jade broke and the jade fell off somewhere. My heart sunk. Corky bought me this back in 1995 on Mothers Day when I was visiting him in Taiwan where he was working. It was the Mothers Day when the boys birthday falls on Mothers Day Sunday. It has a lot of sentiment to me. Eric searched and Hannah got down on her precious hands and knees to look for it. Eric found it and I could breathe again. Hannah has loved my jade necklace since she was about 4 months old. I never take it off. She is always careful in handling it when she is snuggling. She will get this when she is older:)
Speaking of older, I still don't know what 63 is supposed to feel like now that it is my age. It sure is evident in my body but my heart feels so young when I count my blessings over these years. I thank God every morning when I open my eyes and find myself still here and next to my heart and soul mate. It is a comfort that I have been blessed with that scares me so much sometimes. I don't want to think of losing my best half if it was to be God's will. Out of my hands and in His.
Hannah will be here tomorrow and get to love on the new cat while Isaac is in school. She will tell him all about it when she gets home tomorrow, as he told her about getting to go pick her up with me. They are so funny about the ownership they feel over our house and all who live here:) I wouldn't have it any other way. They also called this morning and sang Happy Birthday to me. Melted my heart. So this day has been a very blessed one for me all the way around and the sun was out like Spring too. I am slowly but surely adjusting to all the things going on right now and I am content with it.
Love and Hugs, Laurie
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
It Is Now March And Spring Is Right Around The Corner.
Wow, September was my last time of posting and I have no excuses except life getting in the way.
Things here are very tense and I find myself running around to find the joy that gets me through. The tension started Christmas night as Corky said something to my grandkids mom regarding who's house she was in and a conversation across the room that she had no business voicing an opinion in. She gathered up the kids and my son and left in tears of frustration. I did not see Isaac and Hannah until a week later when Isaac had his tonsils out. I went to his house to see them three or four times. No mention was made about them coming here and everytime I asked, an excuse was given. A poor excuse at that. It wasn't until the middle of February that she announced her new schedule for the kids. Hannah for 4 hours on Mondays. None for Isaac until I mentioned that I would pick him up from school on Fridays and he could spend some time with me until his dad picked him up after work. After over ten years of not crying once, I was in tears and feeling punished for something I did not do. I have settled in on this new schedule for now as there is nothing I can do.
After the new year, my other sons wife told him to leave and she was divorcing him. It hasn't even been a full three year marriage. He had lost his job and was on unemployment, still is and she reminded him of it daily. Construction is still at a standstill here in California as it is so many other places. He was told a year ago that she no longer loved him. This is her second divorce and she never let him deal with the teenager who was arrested for selling drugs, drove their new family car without even having a license and the car burned up, totalled. He stole checks from Eric and forged them for over $500 and was told to not get on the kid for it. The kid is now 18 and on probation and still screwing up. Eric is no angel, has a drug problem himself and dealing with rejection and failure of his marriage. To be honest here, Corky and I felt it was doomed before it ever started and we don't believe in divorce. So now Eric is living back at home here and I am sure feels like a total loser. He brought a lot of this on himself and is in denial that it is over. Lots of anger outbursts and tension in our home that was so peaceful before Christmas. Top all that off with the grandkids mom already having an attitude problem with her husbands twin brother and I feel this is what changed the kids schedule in coming here besides Corky politely putting her in her place. There is too much testosterone floating around in this house right now. And Corky hasn't seen Isaac and Hannah since Christmas. He has been working until 11:00 pm for the past four months and is now back on regular hours, thank God. These are all things that have kept me from posting here because I am ashamed and feel like a bad mom at times. But I need prayer so I am posting in case anyone still checks in. I don't blame you if you don't. My heart feels like it weighs a ton most days and I am able to find nuggets of joy to keep me going. I have to keep reminding myself that my sons problems are his own and I can't fix it. I have to tune out the ranting and raging until it gets personal and disrespectful and then I have to stand up for myself. My heart breaks for him and yet I want to just haul off and bitch slap him when he won't stop ranting. He used to be my baby that I never thought would face these times but here we are in March 2011 and it is happening. We never stop being moms no matter how old our babies get. My twins will be 40 in May. God is teaching me things that I needed to learn and I am focusing on these things. I just miss a peace filled house and Corky and I being alone together. We are doing fine and talking a lot about not enabling our son. Until his veil of denial drops, his life is going to just suck for him.
I am so thankful Spring is coming and none too soon. I come out of hybernation after a long winter but this winter I have not been able to restore myself with hybernation. I am exhausted. I know God is working and I am doing my best to listen when He speaks to my heart. It is hard to walk a fine line when both sides are screaming at me. So there you have it, the reason I have been away from the one place I can be myself and get prayers.
Love and Hugs, Laurie
Things here are very tense and I find myself running around to find the joy that gets me through. The tension started Christmas night as Corky said something to my grandkids mom regarding who's house she was in and a conversation across the room that she had no business voicing an opinion in. She gathered up the kids and my son and left in tears of frustration. I did not see Isaac and Hannah until a week later when Isaac had his tonsils out. I went to his house to see them three or four times. No mention was made about them coming here and everytime I asked, an excuse was given. A poor excuse at that. It wasn't until the middle of February that she announced her new schedule for the kids. Hannah for 4 hours on Mondays. None for Isaac until I mentioned that I would pick him up from school on Fridays and he could spend some time with me until his dad picked him up after work. After over ten years of not crying once, I was in tears and feeling punished for something I did not do. I have settled in on this new schedule for now as there is nothing I can do.
After the new year, my other sons wife told him to leave and she was divorcing him. It hasn't even been a full three year marriage. He had lost his job and was on unemployment, still is and she reminded him of it daily. Construction is still at a standstill here in California as it is so many other places. He was told a year ago that she no longer loved him. This is her second divorce and she never let him deal with the teenager who was arrested for selling drugs, drove their new family car without even having a license and the car burned up, totalled. He stole checks from Eric and forged them for over $500 and was told to not get on the kid for it. The kid is now 18 and on probation and still screwing up. Eric is no angel, has a drug problem himself and dealing with rejection and failure of his marriage. To be honest here, Corky and I felt it was doomed before it ever started and we don't believe in divorce. So now Eric is living back at home here and I am sure feels like a total loser. He brought a lot of this on himself and is in denial that it is over. Lots of anger outbursts and tension in our home that was so peaceful before Christmas. Top all that off with the grandkids mom already having an attitude problem with her husbands twin brother and I feel this is what changed the kids schedule in coming here besides Corky politely putting her in her place. There is too much testosterone floating around in this house right now. And Corky hasn't seen Isaac and Hannah since Christmas. He has been working until 11:00 pm for the past four months and is now back on regular hours, thank God. These are all things that have kept me from posting here because I am ashamed and feel like a bad mom at times. But I need prayer so I am posting in case anyone still checks in. I don't blame you if you don't. My heart feels like it weighs a ton most days and I am able to find nuggets of joy to keep me going. I have to keep reminding myself that my sons problems are his own and I can't fix it. I have to tune out the ranting and raging until it gets personal and disrespectful and then I have to stand up for myself. My heart breaks for him and yet I want to just haul off and bitch slap him when he won't stop ranting. He used to be my baby that I never thought would face these times but here we are in March 2011 and it is happening. We never stop being moms no matter how old our babies get. My twins will be 40 in May. God is teaching me things that I needed to learn and I am focusing on these things. I just miss a peace filled house and Corky and I being alone together. We are doing fine and talking a lot about not enabling our son. Until his veil of denial drops, his life is going to just suck for him.
I am so thankful Spring is coming and none too soon. I come out of hybernation after a long winter but this winter I have not been able to restore myself with hybernation. I am exhausted. I know God is working and I am doing my best to listen when He speaks to my heart. It is hard to walk a fine line when both sides are screaming at me. So there you have it, the reason I have been away from the one place I can be myself and get prayers.
Love and Hugs, Laurie
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