August Out--September In--And Jimmy On My Mind...

Well, August flew by and I didn't get one post on here. No excuses will work:)

Today, the 2nd of September came so quickly, it honestly did. On my calendar is written "Jimmy in heaven for one year". I can't believe the time has gone by so fast and that Jimmy has been gone from here and in heaven with the Lord, Kelly his wife, Jack his father in law and many others we have known for many years. This is hard for me to sit here right now and try to say how much I miss you Jimmy....

We have known each other for all but the first 17 years. We grew up together here at the beach from that time to just one year ago when you left. The best friend to Corky and me always, absolutely always. You were the first to meet the twins when we brought them home in the laundry basket:) You became their Uncle Jimmy from that day forward and you are truly loved as their uncle. You were the only one we trusted to watch them the few times we needed to get out:) You let them jump all over you and chase around the house till they were worn out, and you were laughing the entire time. That "Jimmy belly laugh" that sounds like a thousand smiles:) I miss that laugh so much.

At each and every party we have had here in the past 34 years, you were here helping right along side us, enjoying every moment. The boys 18th birthday party with live band in the backyard. Around 250 kids, helping be one of the "bouncers" along with Rick and Bob and Danny.

You helped Corky coach the boys soccer teams through the years and became all the kids Uncle Jimmy. Our team name-Outlaws- and we were. Most of the boys were having troubles at home with divorcing parents and lives falling apart, but they all felt safe with you and Corky, letting them vent and really listening to them was such a ministry you guys gave them. They even ran away to our house:)

I can't even begin to write about all the memories I have in my heart because there are so many years of them stored up in there. But I have to do this because I haven't allowed myself to grieve for you, it hurts too much but I need to do it, a little bit at a time.

One of the biggest blessings was the night of Josh and Erin's rehearsal dinner in the backyard garden. Corky cooked his famous spaghetti and I baked five cheesecakes and we had the yard fixed up pretty special for them. You and Kelly honored Josh's request and served the dinner to the 36 guests. You two were so great and warm and chatting with everyone. You made it so special and you kept my sanity from cracking as the events unfolded that day, the day before THE WEDDING DAY and anything that could go wrong, did. You laughed and help get things organized, ran to give Eric a jump for his dead battery twice on his way to pick up all the guys tuxes and get to the rehearsal. Using your AAA road card to tow Corky off the freeway offramp just before our turnoff to home, so close but he had to pick up his tux. He was so stiff for the rest of the week, hitting a military humvee going 60 mph to a complete stop.
You had the totalled truck towed and parked in the driveway and covered it with Janes tarp so I would not have to see it when guests started arriving after the rehearsal. I had to not think about it until after the wedding was over. I would have fallen apart. The devil was working overtime that afternoon. But you just looked at me and laughed and said the devil can just go to hell. We agreed and made our way through to the most beautiful evening that held so much meaning for us to have you as our family.

My only regret over all these years is the thing that cuts into my heart the most when I remember how much our neighbor hurt you with his ignorance. It rocked our world that Christmas and I watched you in so much pain and knew in my heart you would never hurt a child, ever. His apology, a few years too late felt so empty and yet it was at least admitted. I work on that forgiveness daily and it is not easy running into him from time to time. I haven't told him you are gone. He does not deserve to know. He does not understand the depth of the damage to ones spirit.

Jimmy, I know that you are healed and at the weight you always wanted to be. You were always teased for being overweight and I know it hurt you. Corky and I loved you just the way you were, the most perfect friend with the biggest heart!! No one can fill your shoes or big pants for that matter Jimmy. You are one of a kind and I am so thankful to have God put us all together in this life. You have always been our "Big Jimmy" with love and respect in our hearts. Thank you for telling me over the years that I didn't have to go to your funeral. You wanted to be remembered as you were the last time we saw each other. I am so thankful you had said that. I could not go to your funeral, I just could not let you go that soon. I am sorry but know you already forgive me. I love the memories I am thinking on as I go about my day and talk to the Lord. I know we will see eachother again in heaven and I am so glad. It is just the absence of you here that makes my heart hurt. I now understand when people say just one more day would be nice. But it would never be enough. I love and miss you Big Jimmy, so very much today.

Love and Hugs, Laurie (your sister)