Okay, so I am only getting in my second post in March here but I am trying to get better. So far this year has been a blender of ups and downs and many emotions. I choose to focus on the ups and the good things.
My yards are starting to come around again after the major mess up and clean up. I am so glad it is Spring, rain or shine, Spring. Working in the yards has been such good therapy for my soul and it is much needed. The jasmine is exploding all over the yards and the smell is just heavenly everywhere I go. Orchids are blooming and are so beautiful. Freesias blooming and smelling wonderful and all the tropicals are happy. I love hydrangeas and they seem to love the lack of direct sun in my yards. I got brave and really pruned them back as God has been pruning me back and I have to say they needed that just as I have needed it. My fushias are crazy and all grow into trees for lack of sun. The hummingbirds love them and are back in full force buzzing around the yard. My garden is not structured. It dictates what it's going to do and I follow it's lead. Our soil is clay, the kind you build adobe houses with and I have lost hundreds of bulbs to the abyss of clay. So they get planted in containers so I can keep track of them. I need to start taking and posting pictures again but I think I have forgotten how:(
Corky is back on working days and it is so good to have him home and spend time in the evenings again. This next week will be hell on wheels for him as he is getting a $5 million job finished. His boss asked him if he would postpone our vacation for a week to get this done and offered him $10,000 as incentive. Corky would have done it for free but hey, why not get rewarded for it too? Yes, we will pay taxes on it but it is a blessing. We had no plans except to go up to the redwoods for a few days to spend time with dear friends and just hang out. The rest of the time is just relaxing and enjoying the grandkids when they are here. Yesterday they were both here and Grandpa's heart was full to overflowing. He has barely seen them these past five months. My heart just melted watching the three of them yesterday!
We baked cookie cake, their absolute "sugar high" of choice. I measured, the kids mixed the dry ingredients and Corky mixed it. It is the family favorite for generations here. It had ten more minutes of baking when Daddy got here to pick them up and he gladly waited for it to cool before cutting into it and going home:)
I have a few prayer requests and would appreciate your prayers.
1. Sweet Kelli is so close to getting the kidney she so desperately needs and my heart is just so heavy for her and all she has been through. I love this girl whom I have never met and want Gods best for her now.
2. Eric is struggling and could use prayers. It is so hard to watch him fight with himself and not realize that he is his own worst enemy. He probably learned that from me as I am still my own worst enemy at times. I just want him to experience Gods peace in his life.
3. Annabel is in the hospital again and needs His healing touch. This little girl is one tough cookie and she humbles me. She and Cathy need our prayers.
4. Corky needs our prayers to get through this next week without losing his mind to stress. He is such a faithful employee and this company relies on his strength to get things done. He is a wonderful man and husband:)
5. Me, you can pray however you'd like for me to continue to rise above the depression and keep my ear in tune with what God wants me to hear and learn in this season.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone and thank you for visiting me. I love you all.
Love and Hugs, Laurie
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
~Happy Birthday Blessings Today ~
It has been a great weekend and birthday today. Corky had told me to get whatever I wanted and cost didn't matter:) Hmmm. Friday I brought home my second adopted cat from the shelter. She grabbed my leg when I walked by and just chatted her heart out to me. She is about 2 years old and is a fluffy black and white Tuxedo girl, with the most precious face ever. And she stole my heart. She was free because she had a seizure when she first came in and broke her leg in the bars of the cage. She is all better now but will be on seizure meds for the rest of her life. She also came with a $400.00 credit towards the future vets costs or meds. She is a lover and Isaac went with me to pick her up. He was so stoked:) After observing her personality since Friday afternoon, her name is Zipper, like the flying bug in the Rescue Rangers with Chip & Dale and the crew. It is amazing the peace she has brought to our home. We are cat people and I am a cat girl through and through. They are my therapy always. Her effect on Eric has been amazing. He is missing his two cats so much too but doesn't get to love on them anymore. Zipper is my free birthday gift and she loves everyone here. A great gift for sure.
Speaking of Eric, he is working on rebuilding the backyard room. Insulation, drywall, new door that he is making into a dutch door (yay) and new roof. It was a mess out there and lots of water damage. All of the junk stored in it for years is now stacked in the yard that is waiting for Spring. I am working around it and know it will be so great when it's done. We can use it for a guest house after he is back on his feet. He is in his element when he is working construction. He has been more at peace these past three or four days and I am so thankful for the prayers that I know are covering this. When he is all done I will paint the inside and outside and get my landscape put back together. I want to paint the outside aqua or turquoise and keep the inside light. We bought all the materials and our labor is free:) Call it room and board and I am happy.
Thursday when Hannah and I were hiding under cover from the bears and snuggling and wrestling, my gold chain with my very special piece of jade broke and the jade fell off somewhere. My heart sunk. Corky bought me this back in 1995 on Mothers Day when I was visiting him in Taiwan where he was working. It was the Mothers Day when the boys birthday falls on Mothers Day Sunday. It has a lot of sentiment to me. Eric searched and Hannah got down on her precious hands and knees to look for it. Eric found it and I could breathe again. Hannah has loved my jade necklace since she was about 4 months old. I never take it off. She is always careful in handling it when she is snuggling. She will get this when she is older:)
Speaking of older, I still don't know what 63 is supposed to feel like now that it is my age. It sure is evident in my body but my heart feels so young when I count my blessings over these years. I thank God every morning when I open my eyes and find myself still here and next to my heart and soul mate. It is a comfort that I have been blessed with that scares me so much sometimes. I don't want to think of losing my best half if it was to be God's will. Out of my hands and in His.
Hannah will be here tomorrow and get to love on the new cat while Isaac is in school. She will tell him all about it when she gets home tomorrow, as he told her about getting to go pick her up with me. They are so funny about the ownership they feel over our house and all who live here:) I wouldn't have it any other way. They also called this morning and sang Happy Birthday to me. Melted my heart. So this day has been a very blessed one for me all the way around and the sun was out like Spring too. I am slowly but surely adjusting to all the things going on right now and I am content with it.
Love and Hugs, Laurie
Speaking of Eric, he is working on rebuilding the backyard room. Insulation, drywall, new door that he is making into a dutch door (yay) and new roof. It was a mess out there and lots of water damage. All of the junk stored in it for years is now stacked in the yard that is waiting for Spring. I am working around it and know it will be so great when it's done. We can use it for a guest house after he is back on his feet. He is in his element when he is working construction. He has been more at peace these past three or four days and I am so thankful for the prayers that I know are covering this. When he is all done I will paint the inside and outside and get my landscape put back together. I want to paint the outside aqua or turquoise and keep the inside light. We bought all the materials and our labor is free:) Call it room and board and I am happy.
Thursday when Hannah and I were hiding under cover from the bears and snuggling and wrestling, my gold chain with my very special piece of jade broke and the jade fell off somewhere. My heart sunk. Corky bought me this back in 1995 on Mothers Day when I was visiting him in Taiwan where he was working. It was the Mothers Day when the boys birthday falls on Mothers Day Sunday. It has a lot of sentiment to me. Eric searched and Hannah got down on her precious hands and knees to look for it. Eric found it and I could breathe again. Hannah has loved my jade necklace since she was about 4 months old. I never take it off. She is always careful in handling it when she is snuggling. She will get this when she is older:)
Speaking of older, I still don't know what 63 is supposed to feel like now that it is my age. It sure is evident in my body but my heart feels so young when I count my blessings over these years. I thank God every morning when I open my eyes and find myself still here and next to my heart and soul mate. It is a comfort that I have been blessed with that scares me so much sometimes. I don't want to think of losing my best half if it was to be God's will. Out of my hands and in His.
Hannah will be here tomorrow and get to love on the new cat while Isaac is in school. She will tell him all about it when she gets home tomorrow, as he told her about getting to go pick her up with me. They are so funny about the ownership they feel over our house and all who live here:) I wouldn't have it any other way. They also called this morning and sang Happy Birthday to me. Melted my heart. So this day has been a very blessed one for me all the way around and the sun was out like Spring too. I am slowly but surely adjusting to all the things going on right now and I am content with it.
Love and Hugs, Laurie
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
It Is Now March And Spring Is Right Around The Corner.
Wow, September was my last time of posting and I have no excuses except life getting in the way.
Things here are very tense and I find myself running around to find the joy that gets me through. The tension started Christmas night as Corky said something to my grandkids mom regarding who's house she was in and a conversation across the room that she had no business voicing an opinion in. She gathered up the kids and my son and left in tears of frustration. I did not see Isaac and Hannah until a week later when Isaac had his tonsils out. I went to his house to see them three or four times. No mention was made about them coming here and everytime I asked, an excuse was given. A poor excuse at that. It wasn't until the middle of February that she announced her new schedule for the kids. Hannah for 4 hours on Mondays. None for Isaac until I mentioned that I would pick him up from school on Fridays and he could spend some time with me until his dad picked him up after work. After over ten years of not crying once, I was in tears and feeling punished for something I did not do. I have settled in on this new schedule for now as there is nothing I can do.
After the new year, my other sons wife told him to leave and she was divorcing him. It hasn't even been a full three year marriage. He had lost his job and was on unemployment, still is and she reminded him of it daily. Construction is still at a standstill here in California as it is so many other places. He was told a year ago that she no longer loved him. This is her second divorce and she never let him deal with the teenager who was arrested for selling drugs, drove their new family car without even having a license and the car burned up, totalled. He stole checks from Eric and forged them for over $500 and was told to not get on the kid for it. The kid is now 18 and on probation and still screwing up. Eric is no angel, has a drug problem himself and dealing with rejection and failure of his marriage. To be honest here, Corky and I felt it was doomed before it ever started and we don't believe in divorce. So now Eric is living back at home here and I am sure feels like a total loser. He brought a lot of this on himself and is in denial that it is over. Lots of anger outbursts and tension in our home that was so peaceful before Christmas. Top all that off with the grandkids mom already having an attitude problem with her husbands twin brother and I feel this is what changed the kids schedule in coming here besides Corky politely putting her in her place. There is too much testosterone floating around in this house right now. And Corky hasn't seen Isaac and Hannah since Christmas. He has been working until 11:00 pm for the past four months and is now back on regular hours, thank God. These are all things that have kept me from posting here because I am ashamed and feel like a bad mom at times. But I need prayer so I am posting in case anyone still checks in. I don't blame you if you don't. My heart feels like it weighs a ton most days and I am able to find nuggets of joy to keep me going. I have to keep reminding myself that my sons problems are his own and I can't fix it. I have to tune out the ranting and raging until it gets personal and disrespectful and then I have to stand up for myself. My heart breaks for him and yet I want to just haul off and bitch slap him when he won't stop ranting. He used to be my baby that I never thought would face these times but here we are in March 2011 and it is happening. We never stop being moms no matter how old our babies get. My twins will be 40 in May. God is teaching me things that I needed to learn and I am focusing on these things. I just miss a peace filled house and Corky and I being alone together. We are doing fine and talking a lot about not enabling our son. Until his veil of denial drops, his life is going to just suck for him.
I am so thankful Spring is coming and none too soon. I come out of hybernation after a long winter but this winter I have not been able to restore myself with hybernation. I am exhausted. I know God is working and I am doing my best to listen when He speaks to my heart. It is hard to walk a fine line when both sides are screaming at me. So there you have it, the reason I have been away from the one place I can be myself and get prayers.
Love and Hugs, Laurie
Things here are very tense and I find myself running around to find the joy that gets me through. The tension started Christmas night as Corky said something to my grandkids mom regarding who's house she was in and a conversation across the room that she had no business voicing an opinion in. She gathered up the kids and my son and left in tears of frustration. I did not see Isaac and Hannah until a week later when Isaac had his tonsils out. I went to his house to see them three or four times. No mention was made about them coming here and everytime I asked, an excuse was given. A poor excuse at that. It wasn't until the middle of February that she announced her new schedule for the kids. Hannah for 4 hours on Mondays. None for Isaac until I mentioned that I would pick him up from school on Fridays and he could spend some time with me until his dad picked him up after work. After over ten years of not crying once, I was in tears and feeling punished for something I did not do. I have settled in on this new schedule for now as there is nothing I can do.
After the new year, my other sons wife told him to leave and she was divorcing him. It hasn't even been a full three year marriage. He had lost his job and was on unemployment, still is and she reminded him of it daily. Construction is still at a standstill here in California as it is so many other places. He was told a year ago that she no longer loved him. This is her second divorce and she never let him deal with the teenager who was arrested for selling drugs, drove their new family car without even having a license and the car burned up, totalled. He stole checks from Eric and forged them for over $500 and was told to not get on the kid for it. The kid is now 18 and on probation and still screwing up. Eric is no angel, has a drug problem himself and dealing with rejection and failure of his marriage. To be honest here, Corky and I felt it was doomed before it ever started and we don't believe in divorce. So now Eric is living back at home here and I am sure feels like a total loser. He brought a lot of this on himself and is in denial that it is over. Lots of anger outbursts and tension in our home that was so peaceful before Christmas. Top all that off with the grandkids mom already having an attitude problem with her husbands twin brother and I feel this is what changed the kids schedule in coming here besides Corky politely putting her in her place. There is too much testosterone floating around in this house right now. And Corky hasn't seen Isaac and Hannah since Christmas. He has been working until 11:00 pm for the past four months and is now back on regular hours, thank God. These are all things that have kept me from posting here because I am ashamed and feel like a bad mom at times. But I need prayer so I am posting in case anyone still checks in. I don't blame you if you don't. My heart feels like it weighs a ton most days and I am able to find nuggets of joy to keep me going. I have to keep reminding myself that my sons problems are his own and I can't fix it. I have to tune out the ranting and raging until it gets personal and disrespectful and then I have to stand up for myself. My heart breaks for him and yet I want to just haul off and bitch slap him when he won't stop ranting. He used to be my baby that I never thought would face these times but here we are in March 2011 and it is happening. We never stop being moms no matter how old our babies get. My twins will be 40 in May. God is teaching me things that I needed to learn and I am focusing on these things. I just miss a peace filled house and Corky and I being alone together. We are doing fine and talking a lot about not enabling our son. Until his veil of denial drops, his life is going to just suck for him.
I am so thankful Spring is coming and none too soon. I come out of hybernation after a long winter but this winter I have not been able to restore myself with hybernation. I am exhausted. I know God is working and I am doing my best to listen when He speaks to my heart. It is hard to walk a fine line when both sides are screaming at me. So there you have it, the reason I have been away from the one place I can be myself and get prayers.
Love and Hugs, Laurie
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Last Day of September and Moving Along Just Fine:)
It has been a good month, and the weather is doing it's crazy thing. Really hot this week and last week was really cool. The yards are loving the heat as there hasn't been much to speak of this summer.
Isaac absolutely loves kindergarten and I am so proud of him. Hannah and I pick him up on Mondays after school. I love seeing his face light up when he sees us outside the door:) The first day he yelled out "Gramma" and the whole class turned around and smiled. Yeah, they all know who gramma's are:) He is doing great and has made a good friend named Jack. He is so shy like his dad was at this age. I love this little guy so much.
Corky has been working a swing shift at work so he is gone by 12:00 and home by 11:00 pm. It will probably be this way until after the holidays. Not a lot of time to do much when we sleep until 7:00 am. And he only gets to see Hannah right now on Monday mornings. He really misses them and they miss him a lot too. I am thankful for his job and know it won't be forever but he is so in love with these two kids!
Hannah is the apple of his eye:)
I have been working on myself since my last post and am making progress in little steps. I appreciate the prayers of those who still come here. They mean a lot to me and I can feel them. I have been eating healthier and curbing some bad habits too. I've been working in the yards and keeping things pruned back so they don't get out of hand.
It's hard to believe tomorrow is October 1st. I am glad it will be Friday and Corky will be home for the weekend. I need to go buy Iron Man 2 tomorrow so we can watch it over the weekend.
My heart is really heavy for Connie and John Thompson. Mallorie Rose who was almost 4 died almost two weeks ago and I can't imagine the pain they are going through. She was one of my Trisomy Sweethearts who proved that her quality of life was wonderful and just perfect the way God created her. She is healed but the family is left with an empty spot in their home and hearts. I loved her and I miss her so much. She taught me so much in her full little life.
I hope everyone has a great weekend and that you feel God's blessings all around you. They are everywhere:)
Love and Hugs, Laurie
Isaac absolutely loves kindergarten and I am so proud of him. Hannah and I pick him up on Mondays after school. I love seeing his face light up when he sees us outside the door:) The first day he yelled out "Gramma" and the whole class turned around and smiled. Yeah, they all know who gramma's are:) He is doing great and has made a good friend named Jack. He is so shy like his dad was at this age. I love this little guy so much.
Corky has been working a swing shift at work so he is gone by 12:00 and home by 11:00 pm. It will probably be this way until after the holidays. Not a lot of time to do much when we sleep until 7:00 am. And he only gets to see Hannah right now on Monday mornings. He really misses them and they miss him a lot too. I am thankful for his job and know it won't be forever but he is so in love with these two kids!
Hannah is the apple of his eye:)
I have been working on myself since my last post and am making progress in little steps. I appreciate the prayers of those who still come here. They mean a lot to me and I can feel them. I have been eating healthier and curbing some bad habits too. I've been working in the yards and keeping things pruned back so they don't get out of hand.
It's hard to believe tomorrow is October 1st. I am glad it will be Friday and Corky will be home for the weekend. I need to go buy Iron Man 2 tomorrow so we can watch it over the weekend.
My heart is really heavy for Connie and John Thompson. Mallorie Rose who was almost 4 died almost two weeks ago and I can't imagine the pain they are going through. She was one of my Trisomy Sweethearts who proved that her quality of life was wonderful and just perfect the way God created her. She is healed but the family is left with an empty spot in their home and hearts. I loved her and I miss her so much. She taught me so much in her full little life.
I hope everyone has a great weekend and that you feel God's blessings all around you. They are everywhere:)
Love and Hugs, Laurie
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Pruning My Gardens as God Prunes Me...
So I have been working in my gardens and pruning things back so they are in some kind of control:) My gardens are more of a free-form jungle as all of my tropical plants are growing by leaps and bounds. I love vines and have them everywhere and in order to keep them healthy and happy, I need to wack them back. God and I have good conversations while I am doing this and it makes the time so sweet and sweaty.:) When I don't tend to these things, the old dead layer remains under the beautiful new growth of jasmine that smells heavenly.
God has been showing me that my life is the same in many ways. He is showing me the old things that still need pruning out in my own life and it sometimes hurts to see the truth. My biggest challenge is taking care of me now. Because of my childhood, it is easy to take care of those I love and neglect myself. And neglect myself I have done. Working on me is a painful process and I have been informed by God that I do not love myself as He wants me to. I need to lose 55 pounds, taking meds for high cholesterol and my blood pressure is higher than it should be. I am ashamed to admit that I am a smoker. It makes me feel like such a hypocrite and I have hung on to this crutch forever. I need to get to the dentist and get some serious work done on my teeth and it won't be cheap. I don't remember how long it's been since I have smiled face to face with someone, except Isaac and Hannah. I miss smiling so much and laughing is my drug of choice:) It has been two years since my last mammogram and this is not smart after being 14 years free of breast cancer. I know God holds me but can you believe He now wants me to help Him? :) If I don't do it for any other reason I need to do it so I can watch my treasures grow up. They love me so much and they need their grandma.
So, that is what I am dealing with at this stage of my life and I need encouragement to stay with this learning curve I am in. I covet any and all prayers and encouragement as it is easier to neglect myself than to nurture the me God wants me to be at 62. Childhood abuse is a real soul crusher that follows a person through their lifetime, in one form or another. So much has healed, but now we are down to me and it just hurts.
Please pray for Kelli as she waits for her transplant. I have much to learn from her example of patience and grace. Thank you for stopping by as my lack of posting has lost me followers. I am just trying to navigate my way through this time.
Love and Hugs, Laurie
God has been showing me that my life is the same in many ways. He is showing me the old things that still need pruning out in my own life and it sometimes hurts to see the truth. My biggest challenge is taking care of me now. Because of my childhood, it is easy to take care of those I love and neglect myself. And neglect myself I have done. Working on me is a painful process and I have been informed by God that I do not love myself as He wants me to. I need to lose 55 pounds, taking meds for high cholesterol and my blood pressure is higher than it should be. I am ashamed to admit that I am a smoker. It makes me feel like such a hypocrite and I have hung on to this crutch forever. I need to get to the dentist and get some serious work done on my teeth and it won't be cheap. I don't remember how long it's been since I have smiled face to face with someone, except Isaac and Hannah. I miss smiling so much and laughing is my drug of choice:) It has been two years since my last mammogram and this is not smart after being 14 years free of breast cancer. I know God holds me but can you believe He now wants me to help Him? :) If I don't do it for any other reason I need to do it so I can watch my treasures grow up. They love me so much and they need their grandma.
So, that is what I am dealing with at this stage of my life and I need encouragement to stay with this learning curve I am in. I covet any and all prayers and encouragement as it is easier to neglect myself than to nurture the me God wants me to be at 62. Childhood abuse is a real soul crusher that follows a person through their lifetime, in one form or another. So much has healed, but now we are down to me and it just hurts.
Please pray for Kelli as she waits for her transplant. I have much to learn from her example of patience and grace. Thank you for stopping by as my lack of posting has lost me followers. I am just trying to navigate my way through this time.
Love and Hugs, Laurie
Thursday, September 2, 2010
August Out--September In--And Jimmy On My Mind...
Well, August flew by and I didn't get one post on here. No excuses will work:)
Today, the 2nd of September came so quickly, it honestly did. On my calendar is written "Jimmy in heaven for one year". I can't believe the time has gone by so fast and that Jimmy has been gone from here and in heaven with the Lord, Kelly his wife, Jack his father in law and many others we have known for many years. This is hard for me to sit here right now and try to say how much I miss you Jimmy....
We have known each other for all but the first 17 years. We grew up together here at the beach from that time to just one year ago when you left. The best friend to Corky and me always, absolutely always. You were the first to meet the twins when we brought them home in the laundry basket:) You became their Uncle Jimmy from that day forward and you are truly loved as their uncle. You were the only one we trusted to watch them the few times we needed to get out:) You let them jump all over you and chase around the house till they were worn out, and you were laughing the entire time. That "Jimmy belly laugh" that sounds like a thousand smiles:) I miss that laugh so much.
At each and every party we have had here in the past 34 years, you were here helping right along side us, enjoying every moment. The boys 18th birthday party with live band in the backyard. Around 250 kids, helping be one of the "bouncers" along with Rick and Bob and Danny.
You helped Corky coach the boys soccer teams through the years and became all the kids Uncle Jimmy. Our team name-Outlaws- and we were. Most of the boys were having troubles at home with divorcing parents and lives falling apart, but they all felt safe with you and Corky, letting them vent and really listening to them was such a ministry you guys gave them. They even ran away to our house:)
I can't even begin to write about all the memories I have in my heart because there are so many years of them stored up in there. But I have to do this because I haven't allowed myself to grieve for you, it hurts too much but I need to do it, a little bit at a time.
One of the biggest blessings was the night of Josh and Erin's rehearsal dinner in the backyard garden. Corky cooked his famous spaghetti and I baked five cheesecakes and we had the yard fixed up pretty special for them. You and Kelly honored Josh's request and served the dinner to the 36 guests. You two were so great and warm and chatting with everyone. You made it so special and you kept my sanity from cracking as the events unfolded that day, the day before THE WEDDING DAY and anything that could go wrong, did. You laughed and help get things organized, ran to give Eric a jump for his dead battery twice on his way to pick up all the guys tuxes and get to the rehearsal. Using your AAA road card to tow Corky off the freeway offramp just before our turnoff to home, so close but he had to pick up his tux. He was so stiff for the rest of the week, hitting a military humvee going 60 mph to a complete stop.
You had the totalled truck towed and parked in the driveway and covered it with Janes tarp so I would not have to see it when guests started arriving after the rehearsal. I had to not think about it until after the wedding was over. I would have fallen apart. The devil was working overtime that afternoon. But you just looked at me and laughed and said the devil can just go to hell. We agreed and made our way through to the most beautiful evening that held so much meaning for us to have you as our family.
My only regret over all these years is the thing that cuts into my heart the most when I remember how much our neighbor hurt you with his ignorance. It rocked our world that Christmas and I watched you in so much pain and knew in my heart you would never hurt a child, ever. His apology, a few years too late felt so empty and yet it was at least admitted. I work on that forgiveness daily and it is not easy running into him from time to time. I haven't told him you are gone. He does not deserve to know. He does not understand the depth of the damage to ones spirit.
Jimmy, I know that you are healed and at the weight you always wanted to be. You were always teased for being overweight and I know it hurt you. Corky and I loved you just the way you were, the most perfect friend with the biggest heart!! No one can fill your shoes or big pants for that matter Jimmy. You are one of a kind and I am so thankful to have God put us all together in this life. You have always been our "Big Jimmy" with love and respect in our hearts. Thank you for telling me over the years that I didn't have to go to your funeral. You wanted to be remembered as you were the last time we saw each other. I am so thankful you had said that. I could not go to your funeral, I just could not let you go that soon. I am sorry but know you already forgive me. I love the memories I am thinking on as I go about my day and talk to the Lord. I know we will see eachother again in heaven and I am so glad. It is just the absence of you here that makes my heart hurt. I now understand when people say just one more day would be nice. But it would never be enough. I love and miss you Big Jimmy, so very much today.
Love and Hugs, Laurie (your sister)
Today, the 2nd of September came so quickly, it honestly did. On my calendar is written "Jimmy in heaven for one year". I can't believe the time has gone by so fast and that Jimmy has been gone from here and in heaven with the Lord, Kelly his wife, Jack his father in law and many others we have known for many years. This is hard for me to sit here right now and try to say how much I miss you Jimmy....
We have known each other for all but the first 17 years. We grew up together here at the beach from that time to just one year ago when you left. The best friend to Corky and me always, absolutely always. You were the first to meet the twins when we brought them home in the laundry basket:) You became their Uncle Jimmy from that day forward and you are truly loved as their uncle. You were the only one we trusted to watch them the few times we needed to get out:) You let them jump all over you and chase around the house till they were worn out, and you were laughing the entire time. That "Jimmy belly laugh" that sounds like a thousand smiles:) I miss that laugh so much.
At each and every party we have had here in the past 34 years, you were here helping right along side us, enjoying every moment. The boys 18th birthday party with live band in the backyard. Around 250 kids, helping be one of the "bouncers" along with Rick and Bob and Danny.
You helped Corky coach the boys soccer teams through the years and became all the kids Uncle Jimmy. Our team name-Outlaws- and we were. Most of the boys were having troubles at home with divorcing parents and lives falling apart, but they all felt safe with you and Corky, letting them vent and really listening to them was such a ministry you guys gave them. They even ran away to our house:)
I can't even begin to write about all the memories I have in my heart because there are so many years of them stored up in there. But I have to do this because I haven't allowed myself to grieve for you, it hurts too much but I need to do it, a little bit at a time.
One of the biggest blessings was the night of Josh and Erin's rehearsal dinner in the backyard garden. Corky cooked his famous spaghetti and I baked five cheesecakes and we had the yard fixed up pretty special for them. You and Kelly honored Josh's request and served the dinner to the 36 guests. You two were so great and warm and chatting with everyone. You made it so special and you kept my sanity from cracking as the events unfolded that day, the day before THE WEDDING DAY and anything that could go wrong, did. You laughed and help get things organized, ran to give Eric a jump for his dead battery twice on his way to pick up all the guys tuxes and get to the rehearsal. Using your AAA road card to tow Corky off the freeway offramp just before our turnoff to home, so close but he had to pick up his tux. He was so stiff for the rest of the week, hitting a military humvee going 60 mph to a complete stop.
You had the totalled truck towed and parked in the driveway and covered it with Janes tarp so I would not have to see it when guests started arriving after the rehearsal. I had to not think about it until after the wedding was over. I would have fallen apart. The devil was working overtime that afternoon. But you just looked at me and laughed and said the devil can just go to hell. We agreed and made our way through to the most beautiful evening that held so much meaning for us to have you as our family.
My only regret over all these years is the thing that cuts into my heart the most when I remember how much our neighbor hurt you with his ignorance. It rocked our world that Christmas and I watched you in so much pain and knew in my heart you would never hurt a child, ever. His apology, a few years too late felt so empty and yet it was at least admitted. I work on that forgiveness daily and it is not easy running into him from time to time. I haven't told him you are gone. He does not deserve to know. He does not understand the depth of the damage to ones spirit.
Jimmy, I know that you are healed and at the weight you always wanted to be. You were always teased for being overweight and I know it hurt you. Corky and I loved you just the way you were, the most perfect friend with the biggest heart!! No one can fill your shoes or big pants for that matter Jimmy. You are one of a kind and I am so thankful to have God put us all together in this life. You have always been our "Big Jimmy" with love and respect in our hearts. Thank you for telling me over the years that I didn't have to go to your funeral. You wanted to be remembered as you were the last time we saw each other. I am so thankful you had said that. I could not go to your funeral, I just could not let you go that soon. I am sorry but know you already forgive me. I love the memories I am thinking on as I go about my day and talk to the Lord. I know we will see eachother again in heaven and I am so glad. It is just the absence of you here that makes my heart hurt. I now understand when people say just one more day would be nice. But it would never be enough. I love and miss you Big Jimmy, so very much today.
Love and Hugs, Laurie (your sister)
Thursday, July 8, 2010
First Week Of July Over..............
Since I am not getting any younger as this year is half over, I thought I'd better get on here and chat a bit:) Isaac and Hannah are finally well!!!! After three months of crap and misdiagnosis, Isaacs horrific sinus infection is finally gone and he is back to being himself in technicolor:) He slept through the best part of his birthday party, campfire and s'mores and stories:( He was so exhausted and sinus infection not diagnosed yet. That was the end of May. Grandpa promised him a trip to the toy store for his birthday present. He was well to go yesterday when grandpa got home from work:) He told both of them to go potty and get in the car to go shopping. They were ready in a flash. I have to tell you here that Hannah decided about three weeks ago to potty train herself and wears her Dora underwear proudly.:) I can't believe that she took it all on herself to do this. She is 2 1/2 now and is such a crackup kid. She had a meltdown when she had an accident and peed her Dora panties. I really had to console her and make her laugh. Sheesh, it is so strange to see her do this on her own. Her mom and I are amazed and just smile when she does the "happy dance" when she is finished:)
Life here has been good and I have no complaints. Corky's job continues and we are so darned grateful for this. Health insurance costs went up, what's new? But we are glad it's there. We had a quiet Forth of July watching movies, Nascar, World Cup and in bed by 8:00pm. The fireworks didn't even wake us up:) Ahh, the life of ex-party animals, still alive to be here and laugh about it. On August 10th we will be celebrating our 42 years of marriage. Holy Cow, what a journey it has been to get to here. Truly a God Thing let me tell you. And we agree that with exception of the aches and pains, these are the best years now, being parents of two great adult sons and two of the greatest grandkids.
I've been trying my best to keep up with the yards so they don't get out of control again. Especially all of my vines:) They remind me of my personal life and how it gets out of control so easily when I don't pay attention. But pruning is good for me right? And I am headed for some pruning with much resistance. When will I ever grow up?
I need to get back into taking pictures of the grandkids when they are here so I can start posting them here again. They are growing up so fast and I am so proud of them.
That's it for now and if anyone still comes here, have a great day!!
Love and Hugs, Laurie
Life here has been good and I have no complaints. Corky's job continues and we are so darned grateful for this. Health insurance costs went up, what's new? But we are glad it's there. We had a quiet Forth of July watching movies, Nascar, World Cup and in bed by 8:00pm. The fireworks didn't even wake us up:) Ahh, the life of ex-party animals, still alive to be here and laugh about it. On August 10th we will be celebrating our 42 years of marriage. Holy Cow, what a journey it has been to get to here. Truly a God Thing let me tell you. And we agree that with exception of the aches and pains, these are the best years now, being parents of two great adult sons and two of the greatest grandkids.
I've been trying my best to keep up with the yards so they don't get out of control again. Especially all of my vines:) They remind me of my personal life and how it gets out of control so easily when I don't pay attention. But pruning is good for me right? And I am headed for some pruning with much resistance. When will I ever grow up?
I need to get back into taking pictures of the grandkids when they are here so I can start posting them here again. They are growing up so fast and I am so proud of them.
That's it for now and if anyone still comes here, have a great day!!
Love and Hugs, Laurie
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