Thursday, September 30, 2010

Last Day of September and Moving Along Just Fine:)

It has been a good month, and the weather is doing it's crazy thing. Really hot this week and last week was really cool. The yards are loving the heat as there hasn't been much to speak of this summer.

Isaac absolutely loves kindergarten and I am so proud of him. Hannah and I pick him up on Mondays after school. I love seeing his face light up when he sees us outside the door:) The first day he yelled out "Gramma" and the whole class turned around and smiled. Yeah, they all know who gramma's are:) He is doing great and has made a good friend named Jack. He is so shy like his dad was at this age. I love this little guy so much.

Corky has been working a swing shift at work so he is gone by 12:00 and home by 11:00 pm. It will probably be this way until after the holidays. Not a lot of time to do much when we sleep until 7:00 am. And he only gets to see Hannah right now on Monday mornings. He really misses them and they miss him a lot too. I am thankful for his job and know it won't be forever but he is so in love with these two kids!
Hannah is the apple of his eye:)

I have been working on myself since my last post and am making progress in little steps. I appreciate the prayers of those who still come here. They mean a lot to me and I can feel them. I have been eating healthier and curbing some bad habits too. I've been working in the yards and keeping things pruned back so they don't get out of hand.

It's hard to believe tomorrow is October 1st. I am glad it will be Friday and Corky will be home for the weekend. I need to go buy Iron Man 2 tomorrow so we can watch it over the weekend.

My heart is really heavy for Connie and John Thompson. Mallorie Rose who was almost 4 died almost two weeks ago and I can't imagine the pain they are going through. She was one of my Trisomy Sweethearts who proved that her quality of life was wonderful and just perfect the way God created her. She is healed but the family is left with an empty spot in their home and hearts. I loved her and I miss her so much. She taught me so much in her full little life.

I hope everyone has a great weekend and that you feel God's blessings all around you. They are everywhere:)

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Pruning My Gardens as God Prunes Me...

So I have been working in my gardens and pruning things back so they are in some kind of control:) My gardens are more of a free-form jungle as all of my tropical plants are growing by leaps and bounds. I love vines and have them everywhere and in order to keep them healthy and happy, I need to wack them back. God and I have good conversations while I am doing this and it makes the time so sweet and sweaty.:) When I don't tend to these things, the old dead layer remains under the beautiful new growth of jasmine that smells heavenly.

God has been showing me that my life is the same in many ways. He is showing me the old things that still need pruning out in my own life and it sometimes hurts to see the truth. My biggest challenge is taking care of me now. Because of my childhood, it is easy to take care of those I love and neglect myself. And neglect myself I have done. Working on me is a painful process and I have been informed by God that I do not love myself as He wants me to. I need to lose 55 pounds, taking meds for high cholesterol and my blood pressure is higher than it should be. I am ashamed to admit that I am a smoker. It makes me feel like such a hypocrite and I have hung on to this crutch forever. I need to get to the dentist and get some serious work done on my teeth and it won't be cheap. I don't remember how long it's been since I have smiled face to face with someone, except Isaac and Hannah. I miss smiling so much and laughing is my drug of choice:) It has been two years since my last mammogram and this is not smart after being 14 years free of breast cancer. I know God holds me but can you believe He now wants me to help Him? :) If I don't do it for any other reason I need to do it so I can watch my treasures grow up. They love me so much and they need their grandma.

So, that is what I am dealing with at this stage of my life and I need encouragement to stay with this learning curve I am in. I covet any and all prayers and encouragement as it is easier to neglect myself than to nurture the me God wants me to be at 62. Childhood abuse is a real soul crusher that follows a person through their lifetime, in one form or another. So much has healed, but now we are down to me and it just hurts.

Please pray for Kelli as she waits for her transplant. I have much to learn from her example of patience and grace. Thank you for stopping by as my lack of posting has lost me followers. I am just trying to navigate my way through this time.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Thursday, September 2, 2010

August Out--September In--And Jimmy On My Mind...

Well, August flew by and I didn't get one post on here. No excuses will work:)

Today, the 2nd of September came so quickly, it honestly did. On my calendar is written "Jimmy in heaven for one year". I can't believe the time has gone by so fast and that Jimmy has been gone from here and in heaven with the Lord, Kelly his wife, Jack his father in law and many others we have known for many years. This is hard for me to sit here right now and try to say how much I miss you Jimmy....

We have known each other for all but the first 17 years. We grew up together here at the beach from that time to just one year ago when you left. The best friend to Corky and me always, absolutely always. You were the first to meet the twins when we brought them home in the laundry basket:) You became their Uncle Jimmy from that day forward and you are truly loved as their uncle. You were the only one we trusted to watch them the few times we needed to get out:) You let them jump all over you and chase around the house till they were worn out, and you were laughing the entire time. That "Jimmy belly laugh" that sounds like a thousand smiles:) I miss that laugh so much.

At each and every party we have had here in the past 34 years, you were here helping right along side us, enjoying every moment. The boys 18th birthday party with live band in the backyard. Around 250 kids, helping be one of the "bouncers" along with Rick and Bob and Danny.

You helped Corky coach the boys soccer teams through the years and became all the kids Uncle Jimmy. Our team name-Outlaws- and we were. Most of the boys were having troubles at home with divorcing parents and lives falling apart, but they all felt safe with you and Corky, letting them vent and really listening to them was such a ministry you guys gave them. They even ran away to our house:)

I can't even begin to write about all the memories I have in my heart because there are so many years of them stored up in there. But I have to do this because I haven't allowed myself to grieve for you, it hurts too much but I need to do it, a little bit at a time.

One of the biggest blessings was the night of Josh and Erin's rehearsal dinner in the backyard garden. Corky cooked his famous spaghetti and I baked five cheesecakes and we had the yard fixed up pretty special for them. You and Kelly honored Josh's request and served the dinner to the 36 guests. You two were so great and warm and chatting with everyone. You made it so special and you kept my sanity from cracking as the events unfolded that day, the day before THE WEDDING DAY and anything that could go wrong, did. You laughed and help get things organized, ran to give Eric a jump for his dead battery twice on his way to pick up all the guys tuxes and get to the rehearsal. Using your AAA road card to tow Corky off the freeway offramp just before our turnoff to home, so close but he had to pick up his tux. He was so stiff for the rest of the week, hitting a military humvee going 60 mph to a complete stop.
You had the totalled truck towed and parked in the driveway and covered it with Janes tarp so I would not have to see it when guests started arriving after the rehearsal. I had to not think about it until after the wedding was over. I would have fallen apart. The devil was working overtime that afternoon. But you just looked at me and laughed and said the devil can just go to hell. We agreed and made our way through to the most beautiful evening that held so much meaning for us to have you as our family.

My only regret over all these years is the thing that cuts into my heart the most when I remember how much our neighbor hurt you with his ignorance. It rocked our world that Christmas and I watched you in so much pain and knew in my heart you would never hurt a child, ever. His apology, a few years too late felt so empty and yet it was at least admitted. I work on that forgiveness daily and it is not easy running into him from time to time. I haven't told him you are gone. He does not deserve to know. He does not understand the depth of the damage to ones spirit.

Jimmy, I know that you are healed and at the weight you always wanted to be. You were always teased for being overweight and I know it hurt you. Corky and I loved you just the way you were, the most perfect friend with the biggest heart!! No one can fill your shoes or big pants for that matter Jimmy. You are one of a kind and I am so thankful to have God put us all together in this life. You have always been our "Big Jimmy" with love and respect in our hearts. Thank you for telling me over the years that I didn't have to go to your funeral. You wanted to be remembered as you were the last time we saw each other. I am so thankful you had said that. I could not go to your funeral, I just could not let you go that soon. I am sorry but know you already forgive me. I love the memories I am thinking on as I go about my day and talk to the Lord. I know we will see eachother again in heaven and I am so glad. It is just the absence of you here that makes my heart hurt. I now understand when people say just one more day would be nice. But it would never be enough. I love and miss you Big Jimmy, so very much today.

Love and Hugs, Laurie (your sister)