Monday, December 5, 2011

Monday Morning and a quick catch up...

November came and went so fast and I didn't get one word in on here. Our friend Bob died on the 6th and my closest friend is a widow now. It is just so very sad and my heart hurts for Sue. She is getting through on the surface but I know how fragile she is on the inside. I am just trying to be the kind of friend she needs right now, day by day. God is so faithful in providing her the help she needs on her property and it is a great comfort to her and very humbling too. There is so much more to write about here but my words keep getting stuck.

December 1st was Corky's birthday and the 3rd was Hannah's 4th so we had a party for both of them on Saturday afternoon. We have been trying to get her to try new foods and her excuse has always been "When I am 4 I will do it." She walked in the house and quickly told me she wasn't ready to be 4 yet, maybe a few more days:) I told her that even if she wasn't ready to try new things that she was still 4. Got a big smile out of that:) It was a great afternoon without one family bloop and around here that is big!!

Things in my mouth have been moving along at a fast pace and last week I got 6 of my new permanent crowns in my mouth. More to come this week and I am getting so excited to get all the spaces filled in. Praying that the implant places are healing up as my bone density these days is almost non existent. Corky is getting his impressions done after work today at the dentist so we are just buzzing along. It will all be worth it in the end. Lots of smiles.

I am excited to get my tree this week and get it looking like Christmas around here. The weather has been changing here at the coast and the cold is setting in. Lots of fires to keep us toasty as there is no heat in the house:) I am loving the change and bundling up. We have so much to be thankful for as the Lord is blessing us so abundantly. We don't deserve it but He is so faithful.

Isaac will be here soon so I will close for now and get set up for his school work. I hope everyone has a blessed Monday and week ahead.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Monday, October 24, 2011

Another week has flown by and I need to run faster to keep up.....

This past week was a blur at times. Went to the dentist on Wednesday and during my 3 1/2 hour appt, had three implants and two bone grafts. I discovered I am not as tough as I once was. I woke up Thursday morning looking like someone used my face for a punching bag. My mouth was on fire too:( I am over the shame of it's condition and am hesitant but happy to say I am getting excited. So far, all work has been done on the upper teeth and nothing visible to the eye yet. All an inside job for the teeth that will bring my smile back to me. It truly is a challenge to the dear dentist who is trying to figure things out for me. But I trust him and that is not an easy thing for me to do, trust anyone. God is teaching me some valuable lessons here in my mouth and heart. I am finally friends with my mouth again this morning:) I go back this Wednesday to get stitches out and see how things have been healing. Corky has his appt. Wednesday too and he is going to be sore when it's done too. I am glad we are doing it together so we can encourage eachother.

The guys worked on the school house again this weekend and the rafters are on the roof and the outside walls are sheeted. It is looking so good, snuggled into their yard. I will definitely post pictures when it is complete. Erin and I can hardly wait for the shingles to be on, all the way around the outside and window boxes under the windows:) It is so exciting to share our knowledge of construction with our grandkids. They both will be schooled in this little room for many years to come. Watching Corky and Josh working hard on this makes my heart so proud and Isaac helping out is the icing on the cake:)

I did not get down to see Sue this week but Bob is in the hospital after experiencing too much pain on Saturday. It turned out to be his pancreas that is thrashed from the cancer that has taken over his body. Bob has always been negative and moody for as long as we have known him, 45 years. But now it is ten times worse because of the fear inside him and it's effect on Sue. Her patience has always been thin with him but now it seems to be non existent. They are both so stubborn and proud and time is running out with the sun rapidly setting on their marriage. I have been praying that God opens doors and helps them to restore their love to some extent before it is too late. Sue can also be a hard cookie to get along with unless you know her heart as I do. This is tough all the way around and has Corky and I talking to eachother constantly about our love for eachother, especially now. We have been blessed with trials through our marriage that have made us stronger and closer. It feels like a dress rehearsal for our lives and the future that is before us and it scares me. I never thought I would live to be 63 and still feel like 35 in my heart. I am just so thankful that we know the Lord and He has us in His hands. Bob and Sue have this assurance too. Just praying for both of their hearts to soften towards eachother.

Hannah will be here today and we are going to work in the yard together. The weather has been cooling off and we have had coastal fog lasting half the day for over a week now. I love this time of year and cooler weather. I can't believe October is almost over and Thanksgiving is a month away. This is usually my hybernation time of the year, but not this year. Too much is going on and I need to stay present in body and spirit for many reasons. I still feel young in my mind and just wish I had back the energy to match. Don't we all? Have a wonderful day if you are reading this. I miss you guys but that's what I get for deserting my blog for so long:(

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

A One Room Schoolhouse, A Fog Horn and A Flood Of Memories...

My grandkids are being home schooled and a little 12'x14' school room is being built in their back yard. Grandpa and Josh are building it and Saturday, all 4 walls were framed up and secured in place. Josh is an accountant now but when he was Isaacs age, he and his brother went to work with Corky over summer break and earned money cleaning up on the jobsites. Over the years they learned how to frame and build things, use the power tools and learn about working for their money. Isaac was so excited to help with keeping the site clean and of course hoarding cut off ends of wood and lots of nails to build the things only his little mind knows. He is an inventor you know. My heart was overflowing with pride to be watching three generations of my guys working together.:)

I was there to play with the kids and give mom the day to clean her house so Hannah and I did manicures and pedicures and had so much fun. Of course she was so happy with hers that she had to change clothes 4 times while I was there because all her clothes "matched" with her fingers and toes. While she was sitting on the patio table with her feet on my knees, her little hands were free to move about. She stroked my hair and checked out my earrings, tickling my face with those little fingers and said "Gramma, I love these earrings you wear, the dolphins are so pretty." I have had them forever, my Sissy, Corky's sister gave them to me for my birthday long ago one March. I am a Pisces and so is she and so is Erin (mom). Hannah loves my jade necklace too. She is so gentle with my jewelry and sees it on me all the time. These are things I will pass on to her when I am gone. A tradition starts as I did not have these special things from my childhood handed down to me. Way too long a story to get into right now. We dressed her dollies and Isaac took a work break to join us and take apart a Kodak Easy Share camera that had broken. The three of us had great conversations at the table while the guys worked on and mom continued cleaning:)

This is not your ordinary school room that is being built. Erin showed me the book she got her inspiration from. It honestly is my dream garden cottage I have always wanted to have in my garden!! It will be shingled all the way around and window boxes with flowers, dutch door, on and on, my perfect garden shed:) Our labor of love we gladly help with for the two most special little people in our lives. This is such a wonderful and rewarding time in our lives together:)

I mentioned the fog horn because it is still dark out this morning and with the window open in my office as I sit here, I hear the fog horn down the hill at the harbor. I love this time of year when we get our seasons with the ocean. You can smell the sea in the air up here and it is magical. I love to watch the fog roll up the street and through the yards, it is moist and wonderful and so full of life. I don't really like driving in it as it makes people crazy on the roads, but I love it.

Sunday we went to Bob and Sues and it was a great day with friends. They have 4 acres about an hour south of us and inland. Sue loves horses and has two of them. She is my horse friend:) She is trying to get more stables built so she can board horses and help meet the mortgage since Bob is dying and no longer bringing in an income. She found some pipe she needed on craigs list so we went in search of the property so she could pay the guy and arrange delivery. Corky stayed with Bob as he cannot be left alone. Another old friend Steve stopped by just in time so Corky had extra company and help. With Google directions we managed to get ourselves lost for over an hour, out in the boonies, street signs faded out from the sun. Memories started flooding in my mind as she apologized for wasting my Sunday afternoon getting lost. Over the past 41 years of our friendship, we have gotten lost too many times to keep count. I can't think of one person I love to get lost with more than her. I told her and the memories started pouring out. I loved the smile on her face that broke the fear on her face of such a sad and unimaginable future unfolding in life right now. We raised our sons together, riding in cars with hardly any brakes, the boys loose in the back seat, no carseats back then and we had to agree that God had his angels surrounding us in those days as always:) HE has always been the glue that binds our friendship through all of the ups and downs we have experienced personally. Our pride has always been the thing that got in the way but not anymore. God has been working on all of us with this and it is a blessing to be obedient to HIS gentle discipline. Such a long time to learn this but HE truly closes the gaps of time that our pride had stolen. And HE does it quick and instant.

Before we left I showed Sue pictures of my grandkids. I am getting better at realizing that she won't be a grandma, so her horses are her babies like my grandkids are to me. I am okay with that but wanted to put precious faces to the precious little people in my life. I think you have to be a grandma to really get it. I get that now. The most important thing right now is that our friendship is back on track and will stay on track. No room for pride anymore. My closest friends husband is dying and I want to be here for her, whatever she needs me to do to help her through. I seem to bring out the tears in her more often these days but she says it's all good, keeping it real as it happens. I want to share her pain and burden, it's the least I can do.

When I count my blessings I lose count so I just keep thanking the Lord for all that HE continues blessing us with because of HIS love for us.

It feels good to get things out here. It has been too long and I feel it is not entertaining to readers like you but if anyone still visits me:), I really miss and appreciate you.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

There Is No Restoration Like God's Restoration....

As I had said in my last post that got sent into cyberspace, God has been working on my pride and I am so thankful to be obedient to his small and still voice. Corky and I went to visit Bob and Sue on Saturday and it was such a beautiful sunny day spent with the best of friends. I had told Sue that we were scared to see Bob in such a frail state but God would get there before us. He is frail and hasn't been able to eat in over a month and keep anything down. I baked him his favorite cookies of mine and told him he could just smell them if he wanted. There were many hugs and smiles and tears and God's peace and comfort and unconditional love. The day was perfect and I just listened to Sue's heart, her fears, hopes, needs. God had closed the time in between and it was wonderful.

Sue emailed me to let me know Bob has eaten two cookies each day and kept them down.:) He is also able to eat some small portions of food and keep them down too. I am thanking the Lord for this small step. Yes, the cancer will take Bob but starving to death is just plain not right. I just looked up from my desk and have this scripture written on a post it: Proverbs 16:9, In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.

We are going back down this Sunday to watch the Nascar race together and just hang out for the day. I am making a mental list of the things that they need done around their property and what we can do to help get it done. Eric stopped in on them shortly after we had left and offered his help too. They were so excited and surprised to see him. I am proud of him for following his heart that has been buried under so much turmoil since the beginning of this year.

I have so much more I want to write about this but will wait for another post. Isaac and Hannah are doing great and they keep so much joy buzzing in my heart constantly. They are my true treasures and so is Corky.

I am so thankful for God's discipline in my life right now. Obedience is a humbling and necessary step in this walk of life. HIS restoration is so precious.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Another Month Has Flown By............

Okay, so I am only getting in my second post in March here but I am trying to get better. So far this year has been a blender of ups and downs and many emotions. I choose to focus on the ups and the good things.

My yards are starting to come around again after the major mess up and clean up. I am so glad it is Spring, rain or shine, Spring. Working in the yards has been such good therapy for my soul and it is much needed. The jasmine is exploding all over the yards and the smell is just heavenly everywhere I go. Orchids are blooming and are so beautiful. Freesias blooming and smelling wonderful and all the tropicals are happy. I love hydrangeas and they seem to love the lack of direct sun in my yards. I got brave and really pruned them back as God has been pruning me back and I have to say they needed that just as I have needed it. My fushias are crazy and all grow into trees for lack of sun. The hummingbirds love them and are back in full force buzzing around the yard. My garden is not structured. It dictates what it's going to do and I follow it's lead. Our soil is clay, the kind you build adobe houses with and I have lost hundreds of bulbs to the abyss of clay. So they get planted in containers so I can keep track of them. I need to start taking and posting pictures again but I think I have forgotten how:(

Corky is back on working days and it is so good to have him home and spend time in the evenings again. This next week will be hell on wheels for him as he is getting a $5 million job finished. His boss asked him if he would postpone our vacation for a week to get this done and offered him $10,000 as incentive. Corky would have done it for free but hey, why not get rewarded for it too? Yes, we will pay taxes on it but it is a blessing. We had no plans except to go up to the redwoods for a few days to spend time with dear friends and just hang out. The rest of the time is just relaxing and enjoying the grandkids when they are here. Yesterday they were both here and Grandpa's heart was full to overflowing. He has barely seen them these past five months. My heart just melted watching the three of them yesterday!
We baked cookie cake, their absolute "sugar high" of choice. I measured, the kids mixed the dry ingredients and Corky mixed it. It is the family favorite for generations here. It had ten more minutes of baking when Daddy got here to pick them up and he gladly waited for it to cool before cutting into it and going home:)

I have a few prayer requests and would appreciate your prayers.

1. Sweet Kelli is so close to getting the kidney she so desperately needs and my heart is just so heavy for her and all she has been through. I love this girl whom I have never met and want Gods best for her now.

2. Eric is struggling and could use prayers. It is so hard to watch him fight with himself and not realize that he is his own worst enemy. He probably learned that from me as I am still my own worst enemy at times. I just want him to experience Gods peace in his life.

3. Annabel is in the hospital again and needs His healing touch. This little girl is one tough cookie and she humbles me. She and Cathy need our prayers.

4. Corky needs our prayers to get through this next week without losing his mind to stress. He is such a faithful employee and this company relies on his strength to get things done. He is a wonderful man and husband:)

5. Me, you can pray however you'd like for me to continue to rise above the depression and keep my ear in tune with what God wants me to hear and learn in this season.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone and thank you for visiting me. I love you all.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Sunday, March 6, 2011

~Happy Birthday Blessings Today ~

It has been a great weekend and birthday today. Corky had told me to get whatever I wanted and cost didn't matter:) Hmmm. Friday I brought home my second adopted cat from the shelter. She grabbed my leg when I walked by and just chatted her heart out to me. She is about 2 years old and is a fluffy black and white Tuxedo girl, with the most precious face ever. And she stole my heart. She was free because she had a seizure when she first came in and broke her leg in the bars of the cage. She is all better now but will be on seizure meds for the rest of her life. She also came with a $400.00 credit towards the future vets costs or meds. She is a lover and Isaac went with me to pick her up. He was so stoked:) After observing her personality since Friday afternoon, her name is Zipper, like the flying bug in the Rescue Rangers with Chip & Dale and the crew. It is amazing the peace she has brought to our home. We are cat people and I am a cat girl through and through. They are my therapy always. Her effect on Eric has been amazing. He is missing his two cats so much too but doesn't get to love on them anymore. Zipper is my free birthday gift and she loves everyone here. A great gift for sure.

Speaking of Eric, he is working on rebuilding the backyard room. Insulation, drywall, new door that he is making into a dutch door (yay) and new roof. It was a mess out there and lots of water damage. All of the junk stored in it for years is now stacked in the yard that is waiting for Spring. I am working around it and know it will be so great when it's done. We can use it for a guest house after he is back on his feet. He is in his element when he is working construction. He has been more at peace these past three or four days and I am so thankful for the prayers that I know are covering this. When he is all done I will paint the inside and outside and get my landscape put back together. I want to paint the outside aqua or turquoise and keep the inside light. We bought all the materials and our labor is free:) Call it room and board and I am happy.

Thursday when Hannah and I were hiding under cover from the bears and snuggling and wrestling, my gold chain with my very special piece of jade broke and the jade fell off somewhere. My heart sunk. Corky bought me this back in 1995 on Mothers Day when I was visiting him in Taiwan where he was working. It was the Mothers Day when the boys birthday falls on Mothers Day Sunday. It has a lot of sentiment to me. Eric searched and Hannah got down on her precious hands and knees to look for it. Eric found it and I could breathe again. Hannah has loved my jade necklace since she was about 4 months old. I never take it off. She is always careful in handling it when she is snuggling. She will get this when she is older:)

Speaking of older, I still don't know what 63 is supposed to feel like now that it is my age. It sure is evident in my body but my heart feels so young when I count my blessings over these years. I thank God every morning when I open my eyes and find myself still here and next to my heart and soul mate. It is a comfort that I have been blessed with that scares me so much sometimes. I don't want to think of losing my best half if it was to be God's will. Out of my hands and in His.

Hannah will be here tomorrow and get to love on the new cat while Isaac is in school. She will tell him all about it when she gets home tomorrow, as he told her about getting to go pick her up with me. They are so funny about the ownership they feel over our house and all who live here:) I wouldn't have it any other way. They also called this morning and sang Happy Birthday to me. Melted my heart. So this day has been a very blessed one for me all the way around and the sun was out like Spring too. I am slowly but surely adjusting to all the things going on right now and I am content with it.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

It Is Now March And Spring Is Right Around The Corner.

Wow, September was my last time of posting and I have no excuses except life getting in the way.

Things here are very tense and I find myself running around to find the joy that gets me through. The tension started Christmas night as Corky said something to my grandkids mom regarding who's house she was in and a conversation across the room that she had no business voicing an opinion in. She gathered up the kids and my son and left in tears of frustration. I did not see Isaac and Hannah until a week later when Isaac had his tonsils out. I went to his house to see them three or four times. No mention was made about them coming here and everytime I asked, an excuse was given. A poor excuse at that. It wasn't until the middle of February that she announced her new schedule for the kids. Hannah for 4 hours on Mondays. None for Isaac until I mentioned that I would pick him up from school on Fridays and he could spend some time with me until his dad picked him up after work. After over ten years of not crying once, I was in tears and feeling punished for something I did not do. I have settled in on this new schedule for now as there is nothing I can do.

After the new year, my other sons wife told him to leave and she was divorcing him. It hasn't even been a full three year marriage. He had lost his job and was on unemployment, still is and she reminded him of it daily. Construction is still at a standstill here in California as it is so many other places. He was told a year ago that she no longer loved him. This is her second divorce and she never let him deal with the teenager who was arrested for selling drugs, drove their new family car without even having a license and the car burned up, totalled. He stole checks from Eric and forged them for over $500 and was told to not get on the kid for it. The kid is now 18 and on probation and still screwing up. Eric is no angel, has a drug problem himself and dealing with rejection and failure of his marriage. To be honest here, Corky and I felt it was doomed before it ever started and we don't believe in divorce. So now Eric is living back at home here and I am sure feels like a total loser. He brought a lot of this on himself and is in denial that it is over. Lots of anger outbursts and tension in our home that was so peaceful before Christmas. Top all that off with the grandkids mom already having an attitude problem with her husbands twin brother and I feel this is what changed the kids schedule in coming here besides Corky politely putting her in her place. There is too much testosterone floating around in this house right now. And Corky hasn't seen Isaac and Hannah since Christmas. He has been working until 11:00 pm for the past four months and is now back on regular hours, thank God. These are all things that have kept me from posting here because I am ashamed and feel like a bad mom at times. But I need prayer so I am posting in case anyone still checks in. I don't blame you if you don't. My heart feels like it weighs a ton most days and I am able to find nuggets of joy to keep me going. I have to keep reminding myself that my sons problems are his own and I can't fix it. I have to tune out the ranting and raging until it gets personal and disrespectful and then I have to stand up for myself. My heart breaks for him and yet I want to just haul off and bitch slap him when he won't stop ranting. He used to be my baby that I never thought would face these times but here we are in March 2011 and it is happening. We never stop being moms no matter how old our babies get. My twins will be 40 in May. God is teaching me things that I needed to learn and I am focusing on these things. I just miss a peace filled house and Corky and I being alone together. We are doing fine and talking a lot about not enabling our son. Until his veil of denial drops, his life is going to just suck for him.

I am so thankful Spring is coming and none too soon. I come out of hybernation after a long winter but this winter I have not been able to restore myself with hybernation. I am exhausted. I know God is working and I am doing my best to listen when He speaks to my heart. It is hard to walk a fine line when both sides are screaming at me. So there you have it, the reason I have been away from the one place I can be myself and get prayers.

Love and Hugs, Laurie