So I have been working in my gardens and pruning things back so they are in some kind of control:) My gardens are more of a free-form jungle as all of my tropical plants are growing by leaps and bounds. I love vines and have them everywhere and in order to keep them healthy and happy, I need to wack them back. God and I have good conversations while I am doing this and it makes the time so sweet and sweaty.:) When I don't tend to these things, the old dead layer remains under the beautiful new growth of jasmine that smells heavenly.
God has been showing me that my life is the same in many ways. He is showing me the old things that still need pruning out in my own life and it sometimes hurts to see the truth. My biggest challenge is taking care of me now. Because of my childhood, it is easy to take care of those I love and neglect myself. And neglect myself I have done. Working on me is a painful process and I have been informed by God that I do not love myself as He wants me to. I need to lose 55 pounds, taking meds for high cholesterol and my blood pressure is higher than it should be. I am ashamed to admit that I am a smoker. It makes me feel like such a hypocrite and I have hung on to this crutch forever. I need to get to the dentist and get some serious work done on my teeth and it won't be cheap. I don't remember how long it's been since I have smiled face to face with someone, except Isaac and Hannah. I miss smiling so much and laughing is my drug of choice:) It has been two years since my last mammogram and this is not smart after being 14 years free of breast cancer. I know God holds me but can you believe He now wants me to help Him? :) If I don't do it for any other reason I need to do it so I can watch my treasures grow up. They love me so much and they need their grandma.
So, that is what I am dealing with at this stage of my life and I need encouragement to stay with this learning curve I am in. I covet any and all prayers and encouragement as it is easier to neglect myself than to nurture the me God wants me to be at 62. Childhood abuse is a real soul crusher that follows a person through their lifetime, in one form or another. So much has healed, but now we are down to me and it just hurts.
Please pray for Kelli as she waits for her transplant. I have much to learn from her example of patience and grace. Thank you for stopping by as my lack of posting has lost me followers. I am just trying to navigate my way through this time.
Love and Hugs, Laurie