Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Pruning My Gardens as God Prunes Me...

So I have been working in my gardens and pruning things back so they are in some kind of control:) My gardens are more of a free-form jungle as all of my tropical plants are growing by leaps and bounds. I love vines and have them everywhere and in order to keep them healthy and happy, I need to wack them back. God and I have good conversations while I am doing this and it makes the time so sweet and sweaty.:) When I don't tend to these things, the old dead layer remains under the beautiful new growth of jasmine that smells heavenly.

God has been showing me that my life is the same in many ways. He is showing me the old things that still need pruning out in my own life and it sometimes hurts to see the truth. My biggest challenge is taking care of me now. Because of my childhood, it is easy to take care of those I love and neglect myself. And neglect myself I have done. Working on me is a painful process and I have been informed by God that I do not love myself as He wants me to. I need to lose 55 pounds, taking meds for high cholesterol and my blood pressure is higher than it should be. I am ashamed to admit that I am a smoker. It makes me feel like such a hypocrite and I have hung on to this crutch forever. I need to get to the dentist and get some serious work done on my teeth and it won't be cheap. I don't remember how long it's been since I have smiled face to face with someone, except Isaac and Hannah. I miss smiling so much and laughing is my drug of choice:) It has been two years since my last mammogram and this is not smart after being 14 years free of breast cancer. I know God holds me but can you believe He now wants me to help Him? :) If I don't do it for any other reason I need to do it so I can watch my treasures grow up. They love me so much and they need their grandma.

So, that is what I am dealing with at this stage of my life and I need encouragement to stay with this learning curve I am in. I covet any and all prayers and encouragement as it is easier to neglect myself than to nurture the me God wants me to be at 62. Childhood abuse is a real soul crusher that follows a person through their lifetime, in one form or another. So much has healed, but now we are down to me and it just hurts.

Please pray for Kelli as she waits for her transplant. I have much to learn from her example of patience and grace. Thank you for stopping by as my lack of posting has lost me followers. I am just trying to navigate my way through this time.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

7 comments:

DeeDee said...

Thanks for being so honest! Honest with YOURSELF in front of us, your friends. Plse plse take care of yourself.

Having not ever met you I can tell you are a person who always puts others first, but if you don'tstart putting you first, where are all those important people in your life suppose to go for encouragement and prayer.

I will promise to wake up every moring w/your name on my already list of "rush order" prayers. At least that is what I like to call them.

I want to hear updates on you even if it's just thru messages on FB..and I will be checking in on you sweetie. hugs for your sunshine day!!!

carrie1016@gmail.com said...

Laurie, You have overcome aso much. God will never let you down and HE is always there with you. He never said He would remove the "thorns of life", just that He would be with us to guide us through the briar patch called life. I love you and you are in my prayers.

Linds said...

You, my friend, are not alone, and of course I will be praying like mad for you and your health as you try to start taking care of yourself.

My friends and I have been discussing this very thing...the fact that we all neglect ourselves. I think it also comes with the label of motherhood. We spend years, or decades looking after those we love and put ourselves at the bottom of the list. It is so hard to get over the guilt and take the steps to actually put what we need up at the top. You will do it. Listen to God, who loves you dearly, and think of the grandkids, and grit the teeth and start on the whole plan.

We love you, sweet girl, and nothing can change that. Consider us your cheering section.
(And I may need to join you on the quest to be ever so slightly slimmer. Ahem. )

Dawn said...

Okay, hugs to you who are always sending them out. I am glad that it is God who is telling you these things, not a human. I hope you listen to him and get these things taken care of. As you said, it's for those two little darlings that you love so much - and for Corky - and for YOURSELF - and for US. Blessings, dear friend!

Dawn said...

Me again - having just lost 42 pounds, I can tell you that it feels SO GOOD to get that part of life under a bit of control, though it is very hard to continue once the goal has been reached. That's where I am!

Cathy said...

Oh my goodness, my dear faithful friend, I will be in prayer so that you will take care of Laurie! Wow, those grandkids need you as much as you need them. Hey, we need you and we haven't even ever met! I too appreciate your honesty. I haven't been posting much either, and even considered closing it down, but I know that Annabel still needs the prayers. I have to admit sometimes I am too tired or maybe just too down to pray. I have those days that I just feel blah! But then I look at that face and know I must also take care of me so I can be here to take care of her. Funny I came to read your blog and I had on my to do's to schedule a much long overdue appt. with my cardiologist and my neuro dr. You beat me to the dentist. I was pretty good before Annabel and now I don't keep up with check up. Hey about smoking, yes you are right, you know it isn't good for you, but I bet we all have some things we need to let go of also... I love you dear and faithful friend from so far away...

PAM said...

Laurie,

You are always in my thoughts and prayers. You are such a sweet, caring person. I love you!

xox