Saturday, January 10, 2009

Growing Old Together

This should probably be more of a Valentines Day post, but it is happening now, so I will write about it now. Falling in love is easy, staying in love is a lifetime process. What lies in between will either make or break a marriage.

I truly have the most wonderful, the best and most kind-hearted husband in the world. Is he perfect? No. Neither am I. Does he make mistakes? Sure. So do I. Are we who we were when we got married 40 years ago, hmmm NO. We are better than I could ever imagine. Neither one of us has ever attended college, yet we have a Masters Degree in the School of Life. We are both 60 now and have only 17 years that we did not spend together growing up. Our love runs deep. I dislike that the term "Soul Mate" has been run into the ground and diluted. WE ARE SOUL MATES in the Lord.

My Honey Bear works harder than anyone I know. His work ethics are impeccable and he has always been this way. Right now, he has been working 6 to 7 days a week, 12 hour days to bring several jobs in by their deadlines. The company he works for is owned and run by Christians. He has earned a place of respect and high esteem and does not take it for granted. We are so blessed for this job that is going forward when the economy is going backwards. And we have more than we need. I thank God every single day for His provision.

When he got home last night he plopped himself in the chair next to mine in the office here and we just started chatting. He told me how his day went and asked me about mine. He said he had three things on his mind and they were important to his heart. He wants to take out a life insurance policy so that I am taken care of in the event of something happening to him. He wants to make a Living Will so that things are in order. He wants us to take better care of our health because he wants to "grow old together". I knew where he was coming from but could not resist telling him that this is what we have been doing for the past 43 years. He gave me "the smile" that brings the twinkle to his eyes and melts my heart. We laughed when we thought about it and asked each other where the time has gone and how did we get here. We talked about the "what lies between" falling in love and staying in love. It amazed us how we could openly talk about the "in between" times that used to cause such searing pain, and now just brings a smile to our hearts. An honest to God and forgiving smile to our hearts. Our Soul Mate smile that is born over and over again out of forgiveness and hanging in no matter what. We have learned from our mistakes and will keep learning from them as they come and go, and we know this in our hearts. We ARE growing older together and it is such a comfortable place to be.

Anyone who has read my post of 12/30/07 knows a little part of our pasts and some of the odds stacked against us. It does not work out for everyone but I am so thankful to say it has for us. If anyone asks me what it takes to keep a marriage going for 40 years and still be in love, I say that acceptance and forgiveness with the Lord in the middle is what I have learned and am still learning. There is no magic bullet and I am thankful. I wasn't thankful in going through the trials but in hind sight, I am more than thankful for the lessons learned in the 17 years before and the 43 years after. I will do my best to be thankful for the ones that are still ahead. God has always and will always be faithful to bring us through. Our marriage gets better each time we remember to not try and change eachother but to help eachother through our changes. This has been a long process but so rewarding in getting us to today. I know that someday when we get old, we will still be together:)

We have a few "road trips" we are hoping to take when these jobs are completed. We are looking forward to them and getting away for a bit. We both agree that after three or four days, we start missing the grandkids too much. So, long weekends are the plan.

So tell me, how long have/had you been married and what is/was your secret? Share it here because I really think we can learn from eachother. My sweet friends who have lost their husbands are encouraged to share too. We never know what tomorrow brings, only what we know today. We all need the wisdom shared by our "sisters".

Love and Hugs, Laurie


Linds said...

30 years when Geoff died 2 years ago. Good, bad, hard, easy....the full range of emotions, of course, defined by the fact that he was away for up to 9mths of the year at sea! This meant more challenges than most marriages, but we survived!

One thing is important here, Laurie...your husband said he wanted to take out an insurance policy. Do it now. Don't put it off. G thought he had time and he didn't. Monday. Don't wait.

KingsLittleBlessings said...

Dear Laurie- I have seen your comments many many times as I have read, cried with, and prayed for those T18 mamas, babies, and dear families, and I knew you sounded like someone I'd like! I love that you are blogging, and excited to hear and learn from you, thank you for that! I've hesitated to start a blog because of letting so much of yourself be shown, and then hearing about all the nasty things said from people who don't "get it".
My sweet man and I have been married over 23 years now. (I was 18 and he 19 when we got married.) We have 6 children, ages 9 to 19. I know there are those legal issues we need to take care of too, and that is on our list for this year.
Anyway, thanks again for sharing with us, I look forward to hearing more from you!

saleslady371 said...

Hi, Laurie:
Your post is beautifully written, as usual, and your marriage is a witness of God's love. It's been 37 yrs. for us and the secret is I need to respect him and he needs to show me love. Then we do well, but it's something we'll be working at all of our days. Your road trip sounds like a great goal for you two lovebirds after all that work is done. I miss my grandbaby, too, so I'm planning my road trip also. I can tell you understand that ache for them when they don't live in our area. Enjoy!

Dawn said...

36 years last week - I am planning a post about the week-end get-away. Too many other things keep coming and taking place of that post. But soon!

A bond of three - God, DC, and me - that's what makes it work. Trust, communication, patience, fun, getting through "stuff" together - it all goes together to make it work. Good post!

Rach said...

Compared to you all, my marriage is young and in the first blush of youth. Brien and I will mark 10 years in June. We have been together since October 2, 1993, though, so that gives us 15 years. Does that count as long? ;o)

We have weathered quite a storm, though and continue to do so, as the loss of a child is said to be a leading cause of divorce. I can tell you that is not even a blip on our horizon.

We talk--constantly--about anything and everything. We talk about our relationship, what is working and what we need to improve. I think having pretty much "grown up" together, it seems we've always been a part of each other's lives. As such, we can't imagine making decisions without first consulting the other.

He's my best fried and yes, SOUL mate. Truly.

What a wonderful writing, Laurie. You are truly blessed. :o)

Laurie in Ca. said...

To all who have responded so far:

Linds, I am seriously taking your advice. I read back through your blog over the weekend and realized how much I live in denial. If we don't plan, it won't happen. You opened my eyes my friend. I love you.

Kings, I am so glad you visited and I can't get ahold of you. Would you send me your email? I am glad the legal issues spoke to you too. Please keep in touch.

Saleslady, respecting him and him showing love to you are biggies. We have learned this one along the way too, and it is so important. And our grandkids live only 10 minutes away from us and I miss them on the days I don't see them.

Dawn, I agree with the bond of 3, can't do it without that bond can we? Trust and communication are so very important to making things work.

Rach, You most definitely qualify with us "Lifers" sweetie. You are young and doing the things all of us older sisters are doing now. I KNOW that you and Brien are SOUL MATES girl. I KNOW. You are young enough to be my daughter, but old enough to be my baby sister. I will take both!! I love you dearly.

I just want to add that anyone who comes here after this comment, please leave your comment. It might be a month from now, year from now, but this post is always open to your wisdom. This is how we grow and help eachother. So if it is 2010 when you read this, leave a comment please. Wisdom is always best when shared after learning.

Love and Hugs Sisters, Laurie

connie said...

Laurie, i love your post and your honesty. I had already read your story a while back and love you so much for your honesty. I am praying to grow old together also. I am in one of the valleys, there have been several, but he seems to want to reach the peak together and work at staying there and for this I am thankful! I have an idea for one of your road trips, TEXAS! You can bring the grandkids and then you won't miss them. Love you friend.

Stephanie said...

Hey Laurie...what a beautiful love the 2 of you share. I am most thankful. It saddens me so to hear of so many marriages falling apart when I would give my left arm to have my sweet Jason with me. Hang on tightly to YOUR sweet husband. Treasure each and every little thing about him! The good and the bad...

As for the life insurance... DO IT! You can NEVER, NEVER have enough.

Laurie, you are a blessing in my life and I thank God for you! Thank you for being you! I know your husband is super blessed to have you!

DeeDee said...

Dear you know 32 yrs for Steve and I. It has seemed that your path and mine has crossed familiar territory...But these men God has blessed us with are truely the very best for us!

I know that our marriage has survived all the struggles, death, finances, etc...only bb/c of the grace of God. We made it real onthe day we married to always talk to one another, be truthful and loving/respectful...and all of those comittments were before Jesus came into our lives...So Jesus just made it better!

I do think 'soulmates' is used to quickly! Stve is THE BEST God had in mind for me.

Temptations are plenty to stray from a marriage and if anyone says they have never been tempted is a liar....but God always provides a way out of that temptation. The question remains...ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A WAY OUT of that temptation???? The answer shouls always be yes!

Love ya sista,

pam said...

I've been here, Laurie. I just didn't feel I had enough knowledge to comment on this post. Of course, it was beautifully written as always!

I am learning so much from you, like how to love without reservations.

Love, Pam

KingsLittleBlessings said...

Hi Laurie! Not sure how to send you my email other than right here, so here it is!

Thanks so much, and I'm praying for little Magdelena's family today too.
Love, Marlina