Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Wordless Wednesday Bummer Part 2

My girlfriend from Maryland called this morning on Skype, and we talked and talked. We talked about the holidays, about her father dying and her mother taking it horribly. We talked about the girls and how they are both excelling in college. We talked about my grandkids whom she has not yet met, we talked around the elephant in the room until she said He didn't come home for Christmas because his mom out here in California was doing so poorly with her health. She gave him the "benefit of the doubt" and said she didn't really believe him but put up a good front because she didn't want the girls to be hurt. Then...she asked if he managed to make it down to see us. WHAM!!! I was cornered at last and had to take a deep breath and quick prayer. I had to tell her the truth and it hurt to do it, and I knew I couldn't lie to her. His whole family lied to her when she called them for the holidays. No One mentioned the "girl". She's had a feeling in her heart that this has been going on over the past two years but didn't want to admit it to herself. Her youngest daughter went to visit him last spring and the "girl" was there. She thought she was the maid. My girlfriend Thanked Me for telling her the truth since no one else had the decency to be honest with her. She said she thought she was going crazy these past two years and covering for him with the girls so that they could have a good relationship with their dad. He doesn't even call or email them and yet my girlfriend has told them that he is just so busy with work to provide the nice house and college education. She said she feels so stupid, I told her she had way too much class and compassion to ever feel that way. She is a strong and wonderful lady who does not deserve to be treated this way. She said the love has been gone for the past two years but thought giving him his space would possibly bring them back together in time. She says it won't happen now, and she is glad to know the truth. Right now, I feel like the gum stuck on the bottom of someones shoe. She said she's relieved to finally know the truth. I feel like I stuck a dagger in her heart.
She kept thanking me through her tears. This sucks, and I love her and the girls, and this sucks.
She said she is going to tell the girls and it breaks her heart to hurt them. I told her that they probably have been as confused as she has been and already feel it in their hearts. They are smart and strong young ladies, like their mom. They are 18 and 22 years old, capable of making their own decisions. And they will. And they love their mom fiercly. They will be alright. Secrets are destructive and hurt worse than the truth. Don't mess with a womans heart, we have a sixth sense that God has given us that cannot be denied. For me, losing one "friend" out of four is a small price to pay if it helps her as much as I know deep down it does. It just feels so stinking rotten in my heart. I need to take a shower and wash off all the discomfort I feel for being a part of this mess. I pray I did the right thing; she did not need more lies, not from me anyway.

What a year this has been so far. I had a feeling that it would be this way and I hope the sun comes out and shines soon. It was out today but I did not feel it. Perhaps tomorrow.

Love and Hugs, Laurie


pam said...

You were the one true friend to this lady. She will be thankful for your bravery , and that it came from a compassionate person like you.

If someone has to be told something so world-shattering, there is no one who has the words better than you.

You were a blessing to this lady today. And many others (I'm sure)

Love, Pam

Dawn said...

You definitely did the right thing. She knew. She just was in denial. My daughter has been there for two years or much more - so have we, for that matter. But it is cleansing when the truth is known for sure.

Linds said...

You didn't have any option, Laurie. You did what each of us prays our true friends would do in similar circumstances, but oh, how tough it must have been to do it. But you did it with gentleness and love, and I feel sure she will ultimately bless you for being honest with her. What a blessing you are to have as a friend.

Rach said...

You did the responsible thing, no matter how it hurt your friend.

I am being utterly judgmental here and will freely admit that, so please forgive me. I canNOT believe that jerk put you in that position. It's like I wrote in my comment earlier, he wanted someone to do his dirty work for him and YOU fit the bill. It's not fair to you and it's not right. I guess I'm angry at him (on many levels) on your behalf. Stupid spooty man.

Dawn said...

I will ask Kristen to add you to her list. What a pain!

DeeDee said...

Oh Laurie, I am so glad you were the friend she needed when noone else would be.

I hope that today, you saw the sun and sat down to hae a coke and a smile! Even if it was just by yourself!

Like she said, she already had figured it out in her heart. You are right God gives us that sense to know when something is not right, just read Stephanies blog about the diagnosis of J.
I knew it when the daughter I was carring died within me. I knew it when my mom called me up to say that my aunt saw my first husband cheating on me.

So enjoy your Sunday worship and have a coke for me too! I would love to meet you and share a coke and a smile!